Aging Gracefully

"This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it."

                                                                - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

I’ve always connected this quote to the times we live in and it’s an important point of view. But thinking a lot about old friends, my distant youth and my current aging, the quote works equally well using “times” for all our different stages of life. 

 

Today is my daughter’s 45^th (!) birthday and I will bike and ferry to lunch with my sister to celebrate (belatedly) her 76^th birthday. So aging is on my mind. Most people imagine aging as a time of wistful nostalgia or sadness or even a dreaded sickness, with those old friends sitting on park benches longing for their lost youth. I understand the temptation to indulge in all of the above and yes, there are so many beautiful moments in all of my life’s stages that I occasionally wax rhapsodic about. 

 

But truth be told? I’m SO MUCH happier now than I was in any of those stages! I would never choose to go through so much of my former years again! Finally arrived at that place where I’m not so worried whether people like me or if I fit in and or if I’m this enough or that enough. Like Popeye, “I yam what I yam” and the world be damned! Away with the doubts and insecurities and confusion and struggles in love and battles with bosses and worries about money and overwhelming and sometimes exhausting schedules. In my ‘70’s,  most of them have washed away in the receding tide. 

 

And here I still am, living a glorious retired life where I love my boss and I love my schedule. I’m still happily traveling and teaching and feeling of use in the world, really at the top of my game offering useful ideas and material, fun, connection, self-discovery and just plain joy in my workshops. My writing is better than ever and I have lots of time to do it. My piano playing is better than ever and I have lots of time to do it. I’m loving cooking and shopping and reading and nighttime TV series shows. I can still sit half-lotus Zen meditation, walked 7 ½ miles yesterday, will bike some 25 miles today. Loving my grandkids and grown kids and sister and family and friends near and far. Why would I ever pine for the “good old days?” 

 

So young people, take note. If you live actively and consciously as you age and are graced with good health and sufficient food, shelter and money in the bank, your Golden Years can truly shine out in a glorious radiance.

 

And yes, there are some different kinds of worries that are not to be casually dismissed by statements like that above. I can think of three:

 

1)   The sense that when you’re at the top of your game and never want it to stop, suddenly you realize it’s the 7^th inning and the game will end soon.

 

2)   Looking ahead at people you know in the 8^th and 9^th innings and seeing the more sobering physical demise ahead. (Though I just accompanied on piano a 100-year-old composer/ storyteller who walked a half a mile without even a cane to the performance and again back to his car!)

 

3)   Loss. That’s a big one. Starts with the loss of hearing, of sight, of libido, of breath/ wind, of muscle tone, of the flesh’s resistance to gravity. Some boostable with glasses, hearing aids and such, some you just stop caring about (see above). But the greater loss is people—friends, families, even hero artists, writers or actors. You learn to sit together with grief and also gratitude. Deep sadness that our loved ones are gone, deep thankfulness that we’re still here to live on their behalf. The bitter and sweet served up in the same dish that we all learn to eat. 

 

So since aging is the best—and only— alternative to leaving, let’s wholly savor each moment of the precious moments left to us. If you think of each Life Stage as a season (I imagine myself in late Fall), here’s an ancient Chinese poem to remind us to cherish all of it. Happy aging!

 

Ten thousand flowers in Spring,

The moon in Autumn,

A cool breeze in Summer,

Snow in Winter.

If your mind is not clouded by unnecessary things,

This is the best season of your life. 

 

                                                Wu-men (1183-1260)