A look at December’s blogs to date reveals my usual attempt to understand, articulate and search for healing of the proliferation of ignorance, poor choices and just plain evil in the world. May I take a short break here? For just this moment, stop trying to solve the world’s unsolvable problems and enjoy the Christmas tree newly brought into the house and sparkling with lights? Smile knowing that so many friends and acquaintances far and wide were concerned about my “desperate situation in the Philippines” made up by hackers using my name to try to make money? Feel the winter chill in the air and the comfort of my heater puffing like the Little Engine That Could to fill my house with warmth? (“I think I can, I think I can…”) Feel some bittersweet satisfaction that this year’s Interns who have shared our life of wonder and miracles with children in music classes will depart in a mere five days? Feel the continuity of my 30th year attending the Christmas Revels, grateful for those still attending and nodding to those who used to go and have since passed on?
Is it okay with you that no kids in my classes today had any major artistic or humanistic breakthroughs? That in fact I got a little peeved with the 8th grade group that didn’t learn their lines to St. George and the Dragon and seemed to be blowing it off? Do you mind that I didn’t create nor uncover some pithy phrase or sentence designed to spark the mind or affirm one’s unspoken feelings or comfort the afflicted? Is it acceptable that my solo in last night’s jazz jam session was a bit disjointed and the group didn’t agree on the turnaround?
Will you pardon me if I don’t mention an entire urban school district shut down from a terror threat? (The new version of snow days?) Can I confess that I frowned when our brand new car seemed to have a little scratch already and then felt better when the white mark kind of rubbed off? Will you still respect me when I say that I didn’t try to lead the nation today in dynamic and humanistic music education and instead, just had a reasonably good time dancing Sasha with the 5-year olds?
I’m sure you understand when I tell you that I watched Notorious last night (for the umpteenth time) and fell in love (again) with Ingmar Bergman and admired (yet again) Hitchcock’s artistry. And though I should be working on program notes, I may just watch another episode of Treme and leave my mind in the hands of others, take a needed break from generating my own thought and entertainment.
The curious thing is that the World proceeded pretty much as usual without my devoted attempts to improve it. Which makes me wonder, “Why bother?” But not my choice. Like Popeye, “I yam what I yam” and knowing that I can barely strike a match in the vast darkness, still I continue just because. Back to work tomorrow!