The Language of Touch

One sign that a culture can be so off the mark is having to come up with elaborate, extensive, scientific “proofs” of the most common sense things that make us wholly human. In my particular field, all those hours spent justifying music education. But I’m also thinking of all the articles written to get us to consider that kids—or adults— over-immersed in the artificial two-dimensional worlds of screens with content designed to acclimate them to violence and addict them to sensation is maybe not such a good idea. 

 

Another crazy notion going around requires the stories and proofs that touch is essential to human health and happiness. The prevailing nonsense is that every encounter of touch must be preceded with “May I?” Someone in my Brazil workshop asked what I do if kids or their parents don’t want them to hold hands in a circle and I began to answer that it is so refreshing to be back in a culture that understands so easily the importance of touch. My translator missed a bit of what I said and put his hand on my shoulder and asked me to repeat it. I pointed to it and told the group, “Do you see this? Should he have asked my permission first?”

 

Of course, I’m aware that some people are over-sensitive to touch or some people have been traumatized by inappropriate touch. But the solution is neither to stop touching nor ask permission every moment you do. We can train those people to advocate for themselves and let us know, either before or after the fact, that they have this issue. We can thank them for letting us know and assure them we’ll be more aware of their need. Simple. 

But how I’m loving this natural and totally appropriate shoulder touches and cheek-kisses hello or goodbye (also from man to man). It changes everything. A complete stranger walked by me at the Samba rehearsal and touched me on my stomach and it was such a sweet little moment between this man and me. Don’t know what inspired him to do so or what he meant, but I didn’t care. It just felt right. 

 

How radical things would change if we simply trusted our instincts. Music makes us feel good, food fresh from the garden is better than over-processed fast food, children need to be read to and told stories, families should have dinners together and talk about their days*, people should punctuate their speech with touch, every person who behaves badly should be accountable for their actions no matter how much money they have. Need I go on? We all know what’s right but have this peculiar human foible of talking ourselves into toxic practices that hurt and harm us all. 

 

I am so tired of stating and re-stated the obvious. Come on, people! Let’s stop hypnotizing ourselves and do what we know is right. Please.

 

 

·      I’m reluctantly including a photo I had to take at a restaurant yesterday, one of the most depressing and discouraging things I’ve ever seen. A family seated at a restaurant where 3 of the young children had their own personal video in front of them instead of talking as a family. And one of them was under one-years old!! STTTOOOPPP!!