Orff Teacher Wanted— No Warts

Having just come from the Mary Poppins Sing-A-Long at the Castro Theater, it occurs to me that the next time a job teaching music via the Orff approach comes up (or any teaching job, for that matter), the school should have the kids write out the job qualifications. Except for the rosy cheeks, no warts, bringing too many sweets and the weird bit about barley water, the two kids in the movie advertising for a nanny pretty much nailed it. As follows:

If you want this choice position

Have a cheery disposition

Rosy cheeks, no warts

Play games, all sorts

You must be kind, you must be witty

Very sweet and fairly pretty

Take us on outings, give us treats

Sing songs, bring sweets

Never be cross or cruel

Never give us Castor oil or gruel

Love us as a son and daughter

And never smell of barley water.

If you won’t scold or dominate us

We will never give you cause to hate us.

We won’t hid your spectacles, so you can’t see

Put toads in your bed or pepper in your tea

Hurry, hurry, many thanks

Sincerely, Jane and Michael Banks