Sunday, October 9, 2016

At School with Donny


(ACT ONE: In a 3rd grade classroom)

Teacher: Donny, how much is two plus two?

Donny: Let me just say that I am going to make numbers great again. The state of numbers is a complete disaster and my classmate Hillary Clinton has done absolutely nothing about it.

Teacher: Yes, thank you Donny, but I still need to know how much is two plus two?

Donny: Like I said, two plus two might equal something, but nothing equals the complete disaster of what Hillary has done to math. And it’s clear that ISIS is coming into this country many more times than two times two and Hillary is just inviting them all in.

Teacher: Okay, moving on, Donny. How do you spell cat?

Donny: Well, let me just say that the first letter is C (or is it K?) and I’m wondering why you chose cat with the first same letter as Clinton instead of dog, which is the same first letter as Donald. I’m really sick of this liberal bias in this classroom. And let me just say that cat has the same starting sound as Catastrophe, which is what Hillary Clinton policies have been. The 400 papers she’s written haven’t done a single thing to improve spelling in this country, especially in the inner cities where I will have property and people are killing each other all over the place. She should be de-clawed!

Teacher: Okay, Donny, your time is up…

Donny: And China also starts with C and they’re dropping steel all over America!  It’s a disaster!
But maybe I can use some to build my buildings. That's just good business.

Teacher: Donny, we’re moving on to history class. Now who is our current President?

Donny: You mean the Muslim terrorist who wasn’t even born here? And by the way, I will make a great President who will make America great again and no one will pay taxes while I fix the economy and no one will get sick and we'll kick ISIS’s butt and there will be birds and bees and cigarette trees
 and lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
 in the Big Rock Candy Mountains (starts singing lustily) and in the Big Rock Candy Mountains all the cops have wooden legs…

Teacher: Donny, the bell has rung, it’s time to go home.

Donny: (hands over ears and eyes closed singing at the top of his lungs) …and the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft boiled eggs, the farmer’s trees are full of fruit and the barns are full of hay, 
oh, I’m bound to go where there ain’t no snow, where the rain don’t fall and the wind don’t blow, and there’s no climate change and Putin is great and Mexicans are lazy and Muslims can’t come in and women are all hot and you never have to say you’re sorry and facts are obsolete and I never said that and Hillary’s in jail, in the Big Rock Candy Mountains(Opens his eyes and everyone has gone home. He struts out to carpool.)

Donny’s Mom: How was school, dear?

Donny: I killed it! I got all the answers right.

Donny’s Mom: That’s my boy!

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