Comic Relief

After taking a look at the History of Humankind, it’s time for some comic relief. Looking through my folders on my plane ride yesterday, I came upon a series of one-liners. They made me laugh. And goodness knows, we could all use some of that! Enjoy!

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with *Good Evening,* then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

11. In filling out an application, where it says, *In case of emergency, notify:* I put *DOCTOR.*

12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

13. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a

successful man is usually another woman.

14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

16. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

17. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

18. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

19. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

20. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.