Accepting Kindness

My grandson Malik will turn 10 in less than a month. Back in 2015, I had hoped to be present for his birth, but he was stubbornly some 10 days late and I had a teaching engagement called Circle Camp in Turkey, so I ended up leaving before he emerged while my wife stayed on. The camp was in the countryside near Ephesus and was a gathering of some 40 teachers from Turkey and another 40 from Iran. I was rooming with my good friend and younger fellow teacher Estevao Marquez and every day we walked a dusty path into a nearby village to get Wi-fi at a café. One day we sat down, computers opened before us and I shouted out, “He’s born! Malik James Taylor has finally arrived in the world!” A few minutes later, Estevao shouted out, “I’m going to be a father!” We will both forever remember that moment and I’ll always remember that Estevao’s son Martin will join Malik’s age 8 months later. 

 

Amongst the many wonderful people I worked with at Circle Camp, one was a Turkish woman named Betul who impressed me with the quality of her participation. She told me that she had taken an Orff level once and was not impressed, but in my workshop, she felt wholly valued and like she belonged. Before we left, I gave her a little note: “See you in San Francisco!” And indeed, she did finally come to the Levels trainings there and we were both happy she did. 

 

Fast forward to now and we've had the grand pleasure of meeting again. Once my London workshop was organized, I received a note from her telling me that she was now living in London and would be delighted if I’d like to stay at her place. I did have a hotel room for two nights arranged by the course organizers, but actually needed a place to stay for three more nights before flying to my next workshop in Vienna. So I thanked her for her kindness and said I would happily accept her generous offer. 

 

She came to the workshop yesterday and the dinner afterwards and we discussed the Tube stops to get to her neighborhood after I left the hotel today. Then just before checking out, I got a message that she had arranged for an Uber to pick me up. I was happy to take the train, but she insisted and so I met my car and was surprised to discover that he drove for some 25 minutes before arriving at her place. Her husband met me outside and I entered the apartment with a beautiful lunch spread that Betul had cooked. They showed me to my room, a lovely spacious room with a window out to a beautiful garden. I realized that there didn’t seem to be another bedroom and Betul just casually told me that they’d sleep in the living room on the fold-out couch! They kicked themselves out of their own bedroom for three nights!

 

How does one properly respond to such extraordinary generosity? It’s like the Moth story I told a couple of months back about such kindness received back in our 1978 travels. But instead of the kindness of strangers, this was the generosity of a student/ colleague. Nothing in my upbringing taught me how to graciously accept such over-the-top hospitality. In my America, everything is a deal that demands some payback, something to even the score, some sense that it would be rude to accept such unconditional open-handedness. Yet in many cultures, it would be considered much more rude to refuse it. 

 

Of course, I hope to be a good guest and wash the dishes and enjoy the conversations and I definitely will insist on taking them out to dinner one night. But I truly am both astonished by her gesture and wanting to learn to more graciously accept it all. I’d like to think that I’ve offered some semblance of this kind of welcome to my guests, but truth be told, I’ve never given up my bedroom and slept on the couch! But if the occasion presents itself, I’d like to think that I would. Ideally, to Malik and Martin if they ever get together to meet each other at my house!