Both/ And

A lifetime ago, in 1969, in a time of turmoil and change, this fresh 18-year-old went to his Antioch College orientation. There was a long-haired gentle man who did yoga who spoke about how the only way to change the world was to work on yourself. Another short-haired Young Socialist stood up and strongly disagreed, exhorting us to change the system that oppresses us all. Both had actually been pre-planned plants to speak out loud the two sides of a dialogue that would shape my time at college, And in fact, the next 55 years of my life.

 

That dynamic has risen up larger than ever in this time of turmoil. Last night I watched the aforementioned video on healing trauma and had me wondering whether all the confrontational us-and-them talk I’ve joined in on between Republicans and Democrats, the ignorant and the educated, the purposefully cruel and the kind-hearted, was feeding into the game of division. That the only true healing could come from stepping somewhat to the side of the shouting match. Starting with continuing to face my own trauma and shadow and acknowledging our shared wounds on the way to healing. 

 

But then there’s the stark reality of what’s going on in Los Angeles and beyond, the renewed efforts of the cruel and shameless people in power to hurt, harm and destroy the very fabric of a working democracy. How to stand out against those who are the abusers that cause the trauma, that marshal the forces of violence, that wake up each morning thinking “Who can I hurt today?” and empowered by a traumatized population refusing to look at their trauma and enabling it all, go on their merry way wreaking havoc and chaos? 

In these posts this last month, I’ve been definitely far from the front lines of such confrontation and hope that re-affirming life in all its glory, bounty and beauty might bring some measure of hope, help and comfort. Certainly to me. And in the workshop the other day, it’s clear once again that the best way I can contribute is to help people feel known, valued, celebrated and connected through the powerful forces of music and dance.

 

But of course, this soul-stirring travel I’ve enjoyed is a grand privilege which needs no apology but is hardly a model for the millions who have no access to such experiences. Nor do they necessarily need it if they can find the same kind of joyful participation in life wherever they are with whomever they’re with doing whatever they do. 

 

But as I wrote years back, the deep conflicting dialogue is that it’s all well and good to tell people to breathe deeply through it all, but how did that help George Floyd who couldn’t breathe? Fine to say find paradise in your own family, but what happens when ICE bangs on the door and takes parents away from their children? There’s the maddening dynamic. 

 

I would love to both witness and participate in a dialogue with poets and activists, healers and social justice advocates, to continue this conversation from a more mature point of view than my college-self could answer. Of course, I know the answer is “both/and” and each of us has to find that balance in our own life, but I sure would love to know how others walk that tightrope. Is anyone else struggling with the same confusion? What are the proper steps to take? How to walk them with dignity and grace? What lies around the bend? Just wondering.