Monday, September 29, 2014

News From the Brain Stem


Has anyone noticed how National Enquirer has become the norm? Journalists draw daily from the Bible of over-inflated adjectives in an effort to keep the population trapped in the lowest part of our brain. That’s the brain stem, that old reptilian part incapable of nuanced emotion or articulate thought. All it knows is the 4 F’s of Fear— fight, flight, feed or freeze. (Or instead of freeze there’s another F politely known as “fathering.”) Check out these adjectives (and adverbs) from the first 14 of AOL’s headlines today:

·      Explosive new details
·      Stunning twist
·      Major change
·      Powerful knee joint
·      Massive Hail
·      Shocking Revelation
·      Crippling Protest
·      Stunning words
·      Scary scene
·      Incredible ruins
·      Intimate secret
·      Extreme energy
·      Record shattered
·      Mind-Blowing pace

Didn’t they read “The Boy Who Cried Wolf?” How are we supposed to know when something actually is serious enough to warrant a powerful adjective? Like this news that I discovered:

SHOCKING REVELATION!! Powerful news pundits reveal their stunning insensitivity and mind-blowing evil intentions to cripple the psyche of the public with their massive assault on our intelligence and incredible ignorance as to what real news should be. A major change should take place before I protest and cripple and twist the knee joints of their shattered brains with my explosive anger at the extreme energy they’re expending to create the scary scenes that blast culture to ruins. (Shh! Don’t tell anyone. That’s my intimate secret.)

AOL news, get the F (pick one of the four) out of my face!

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