Sunday, April 11, 2021

The Pessimist Club

A school colleague and I started a club in which we shared unbelievable little transgressions against common sense and simple decency. We called it “The Pessimist Club” and your position on the Board of Directors was directly related to the items brought in. Even though we both retired from school last June, the Club lives on and believe me, with today’s news, is thriving. 

For example, while she was parked on a street in San Francisco, the city painted the curb red in her spot and gave her a ticket. Bam! New President of the Pessimist Club! My item wasn’t quite at that level, a story from a lawyer friend who needed important documents sent from Europe for a case. He finally got them and the court he sent them to rejected them because the paper size was different. So they had to be re-sent by mail from Europe and his secretary cut them down to 8/12 by 11 with scissors. But apparently not to their satisfaction.They were rejected again because some were 1/16th of an inch off. Definitely a Vice-President item— or at least Recording Secretary.


But the most recent one from the TV News qualifies for the top ten of all time (sadly, I believe we never did record the items from over the years. That would have been a great book, a la Darwin Awards). The new Georgia law making it a misdemeanor to give food and drink to people standing on line to vote could be the winner. You can imagine the person in prison: 


“What are you in for?”


“ Murder. How about you?”


“ I slipped a donut to a guy waiting to vote.”


I imagine Brian Kemp goes to church, but he must have been sleeping when the Minister read the Bible passage from Matthew 25: 25-30, where Jesus praises his disciples and says: 


“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink.”


(Brian, in case you're wondering, Jesus is suggesting those are good things to do.)

Jesus continues: 


“I was a stranger and you invited me in, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”


Judas: “So you were an illegal immigrant? We shouldn’t have invited you in, we should have turned you in!”


Peter: “We never should have helped you when you were sick because you clearly had a pre-existing condition and were mooching off the government Obama-care.”


Paul: “What were you in prison for anyway?”


Jesus: “Slipping a donut to some guy waiting ten hours in line to vote.”

Keep 'em comin', Governor Kemp! But I hear that there are long lines in Hell and that what you do here is done back to you there. I'd bring some snacks if I were you. 


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