Really. Yesterday I mentioned doubt and confidence and yes, like every human being and my doubt is whispering, “You’re really not that great, you know.” And believe me, after going to some jazz concerts and watching the incredible things people do on Youtube or reading the poems of Mary Oliver, I completely agree.
But my confidence has always suggested that my unique combination of interest sand skills has a place in the world and when I found the perfect place in Orff Schulwerk, I marched boldly ahead hoping that it could be of use. Naturally, youthful arrogance had its moment, but it seems to have mellowed and matured like fine wine and taken the attention off of me and on to the people, young and old, that I teach.
So when I sat down to watch the first version of the film a guardian angel made about me, I was naturally terrified to see what that mirror reflected back. I preferred to see the mirror of happy children and adults. And I was right to cringe a little— truth be told, I’m not as expressive in face, body and voice as I wish I might be. And I think I could actually still work on that a bit. But watching the film, I wondered what my long years of teaching look like to someone from the outside, someone who doesn’t know me or the Orff approach or progressive education.
I’ll find out soon, as the film is being premiered at the Orlando Film Festival sometime today. I’m not there, having just finished in Barcelona, where it has also been accepted to a later film festival. But I posted the news on Facebook and some 400 views and 100 comments later, I feel like Tom Sawyer at his funeral. My cup runneth over as I drink in the good wishes of friends, colleagues, former students, former school parents and people around the world I’ve had the good fortune to teach (and study with) in Orff Schulwerk.
Let me be honest here. I know most of my students have enjoyed my classes, just as I know I’ve enjoyed teaching them. But your never know until you know. The occasion of the film has sparked such fond testimonies from my students young and old and I truly am humbled to feel the love. Thank you to each and every one.
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