New Kid on the Block

 Just watched the movie Footloose last night and being about a town that outlawed public dancing, I could honestly claim a tax deduction for the rental fee. That’s an issue that’s at the heart of my career path.

 

But my comment here is not about the acting, the dancing, the issue, but about the scene of a new kid coming into high school and the same thing happens to him that happens to every other new kid that comes into any high school in every single movie I’ve seen that marks that moment. Every. Single. Movie. 

 

Can you guess? It’s without exception the agreed-upon ethic that any new kid is fair game for ridicule, insult, abuse, both emotional and physical. Without exception. Of course, without it, the plot would not be able to develop as it always does, as the kid finds a way to stand up to bullies or works around them or finds one or two true friends. If everybody was nice to the new kid, there’d be no movie. 

 

But it does make me wonder how much this happens in real life. I suspect a lot. Has anyway thought to look into this as the root of human cruelty? That the mere fact of newness or difference is grounds to exclude, bully, torture in all sorts of ways? That schools would excuse this in a “kids will be kids” kind of dismissal of something that needn’t be?

 

For example, at The San Francisco School, new kids are always welcomed with enthusiasm by both fellow classmates and the teachers. Even adult visitors often commented on how actively friendly and welcoming everyone they met is. It simply became an expected behavior in the school culture. Really, knowing how nervous people are on their first day in a new school— or office or neighborhood— why wouldn’t all choose to be hospitable? To be nice, remembering their own feelings in these situations. 

 

Toxic culture is that which passes on the abuses we suffered without considering the opposite possibility. Why continue the cruelty instead of healing it with the tonic of kindness? 

 

This is no small question. It lies at the root of our current American atmosphere of institutionally approved mean-spiritedness, malice, spite, nastiness, bullying that eats away at our national soul like a cancer. It affects our quality of life, our sense of well-being, our politics, our business practices. The maddening thing is how unnecessary it all is. Who thinks that it’s a good idea to create an identity based on making others miserable? Who in their right mind would refuse that great joy of being kind to others and receiving their kindness, gratitude and appreciate in return? 

 

Teachers, administrators and students, pay attention. Next time a new kid comes into your high school, defy the movies and treat it as an opportunity to perhaps meet your new best friend. Draw the line that passes the toxins down and begin to be part of the tonic. You’ll never regret it.