Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Trivial First-World Quarantine Issues That Nevertheless I Think About

• I’m out of joss stick incense for my morning meditation and there’s only one store left in San Francisco that carries McCann’s 3-minute oatmeal —and it’s line is long. Plus I need a haircut.

• Wouldn’t this be the perfect time to do all the city road repair that they’re always doing during rush-hour morning commutes?

• I suggest opening all the remaining Drive-in Movie Theaters. With curbside concessions, of course. 

• Perfect social distancing sports: 
-      Tennis with one disposable gloved hand.
-      Baseball without a catcher. 
-      Golf with onesomes. 

• With all the daily video-chats and online video lessons, I can’t help but wish this had happened twenty years ago when I could stand to see myself. 

• A walk in the world these days is like a run down a football field, dodging all oncoming opponents. 

• If Disneyland were open and it’s Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission Breakout ride equaled its world-record waiting-in-line time of 5 hours (on May 29, 2017)how many feet/ yards/ meters/ kilometers/ miles would the line be following the 6-foot social-distancing rule? (The perfect online Math Problem for the rest of the school year!)

• Shall we collect for future times sworn statements from children that they miss school?

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