Life Lived Backwards

One of the most impactful books I have read is a book called The Soul’s Code by James Hillman. In it, he revives the old Greek idea that we don’t come into this world empty, but our Soul is called down to earth for a purpose. Our Spirit Guide tells us that purpose before we are born, but once here, we forget it and have to make the effort to re-discover it. (Very much like the idea of the Secret Song within us waiting to be revealed!). The Greeks called that twin whispering in our ear our Daimon, the Romans our Genius. (Michael Meade’s book The Genius Myth further elaborates on this life-changing idea.)

 

As a psychologist, Hillman dismissed the idea that our adulthood is formed by a series of accidental experiences and traumas that emerge from the therapist’s couch to explain why we’re so messed up. Instead, he talks about reading life backwards, how the seeds of our life’s purpose were already in place as children. 

 

He gives an example of the famous bullfighter Manolete, who was very shy as a child and often hid behind his mother’s skirts. Life read forwards would have us believe that he stepped into the bullring to compensate for his mother complex. Life read backwards suggests that as a young boy, some part of him already knew about the thousand-pound charging bulls he would face, so without knowing why, he already was terrified.

 

With this idea as a backdrop, I was fascinated to stumble upon my old report cards and read the teacher’s comments. There seemed to be an ongoing thread.

 

1^stGrade: Mrs. Williams: 

   Douglas contributes to class discussions. He expresses his ideas well.

 

2^ndGrade: Mrs. Tomsu

Douglas has a very bad habit of talking right out in class and interrupting others. 

(I do remember that one afternoon, she taped my mouth shut for an hour!)

 

3^rdgrade: Miss Rice

Douglas continues to talk out and disturb the class.

(I spent much of third grade out in the hall. But also fascinating in her comments is alternating sentences of praise and condemnation— see photo below. I have to laugh at “Douglas it very very annoying…” )

 

4^thgrade: Mrs. Hendrickson

Douglas is a leader in class discussion.

 

6^thgrade: Miss Conover(5^thgrade report card by Mr. Anderson is missing)

Douglas’s book report have been of superior quality. In writing, he creates little masterpieces in stories and poems!

 

So as a kid, I clearly had a lot to say! And was not shy about saying it! Those who have been in staff meetings with me would recognize that tendency, but what can be seen as a negative social skill is my Daimon encouraging me to speak up, to say what others are afraid to say out loud or don't have the words for. I thought this Blog and writing ten books might get it all out of my system, but still, I find I often have something to say in any discussion. Hopefully more to the side of “leading discussion” than “disturbing the class.”

 

When I first read Howard Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences, it struck me that my primary intelligence is much more linguistic than musical. The hint is that I’m much more likely to have sentences running through my thoughts than musical notes. Very few in the world recognize me first and foremost as a writer as I’ve forged my identity at a music teacher. So what do the early report cards say about that?

 

My grades in music between 4^th and 6^th grade were, in order.

A / B/ B/ C/ C/ C-

 

Reading life backwards, one might say that some part of me recognized that sitting in desks singing forgettable songs with bad tuning and diction that never got better was not a worthy music education. Apparently, I fooled around a lot in music class. And when Orff Schulwerk crossed my path and offered the kind of music education I wished I had had, I was ready to follow it as far as I could. Which I’ve done— writing about it every step of the way.

 

Do you have your old report cards? If so, take a look and read your life backwards and see what comes up.