My Grandson and Me

From the time I was born until he died around my 12^th birthday, I visited my grandfather almost once a month. In that entire period, I remember two moments of direct contact with him. One was playing catch in his front yard for about 10 minutes. Another was playing a few games of Pinochle (a card game). That was it.

 

So I had no blueprint as to how to be a grandfather, no prior experiences in my tool kit. Add to that a life spent mostly with women— my wife and two daughters, their childhood girlfriends, a school with mostly women teachers, an Orff Association with mostly women teachers and leaders, a proclivity leaning towards the girl students in my music classes who generally were more focused and cooperative (this last shifted over the years). Yes, my sister had three sons and I had some wonderful moments with each of them, but nothing with any of them that felt (or feels) like a deep, lifetime, meaningful bonding. 

 

So when my grandson Malik joined the family some 8 years ago, I was up for the chance to connect with a male member of the family lineage. Not in any self-conscious agenda kind of way, mostly connected to the humanity beyond the gender. But still, it’s different.

 

It has been a marvelous twelve days spend together, with so many memorable experiences and ways to connect. He’s at the peak of childhood delight— still curious, filled with both humor and wonder, some life-skills that don’t demand our constant caretaking, a voracious intellectual appetite fed by his habit of reading, an impressive physical dexterity that allows for sports of all types together, a capacity to play card games/board games/ group games so he almost can hang with all the adults. 

 

I hope this next doesn’t come off as showy boasting, but just to give an idea of the myriad ways we spend time together and also document for any future reference, here’s the quick list of activities we’ve enjoyed in the past two weeks:

 

GAMES: King’s Court, Uno, Five Crowns, Othello, Spoons, Beat That!, Banana-grams, Taboo, Double-Shutter, Charades.

 

SPORTS:  Ping-pong, cornhole, frisbee, basketball, paddleball.

 

ACTIVITIES: Hiking (most every day, from 4-8 miles), biking, swimming, baking

 

CULTURE: Neighborhood Christmas Caroling, the ACT Christmas Carol Play, Panto’s Sleeping Beauty play, three movies (Miracle on 34^th St., Sister Act, Sister Act 2)

 

TOURISM: Visit to the Fairmount Hotel, Ferris Wheel ride at Fishermen’s Wharf, visit to the 

Academy of Sciences, visiting the lights on JFK Drive in Golden Gate Park

 

READING AND STORYTELLING: Reading aloud stories from Isaac Singer’s Stories for Children reviewing some stories from the Greek Myths book, telling him Folk Tales while hiking (The Fire on the Mountain; Salt; Princess Vassalisa and the Horse of Power; The Month Brothers), listening to The Velveteen Rabbit (Audible version) while driving.

 

Enough? But more important than any quantity is the quality of time spent together, the ease we have in each other’s company, the pleasure we have in our conversations. Occasionally a pouty 8-year old surfaces (he’s not wild about losing competitive games!), but mostly he is easy-going and fun to be with. No matter how our relationship will change as he ages— and hopefully deepen yet further— he has countless ways to remember me. He knows I am there for him and it takes no effort to be so.

 

In short, to my surprise and delight, having a grandson suits me just fine. (And it goes without saying, a granddaughter also! But that’s another entry.) I will soon return to a welcome adult/retired life free from the constant demands and energy of children (no matter how delightful!) and he will go back to his school and his friends, as he should. Both of us with yet more in our memory banks to remember how much we love each other. How sweet it is.