M.A.W.A.: Part 1

Amidst many distressing facts about our one-step-forward, ten-steps-back modern times, the loss of intelligent discourse is high on my list. And that includes creative and witty insults. Compare today’s name-calling to yesteryear’s and you make a good case against the evolution of our species.    Conflict we will always have. People who just don’t click, who are jealous or envious of others, who shake their head with disbelief that someone with apparently mediocre talent and intelligence has risen as far as he or she has, are always going to make occasional disparaging comments about their fellow human beings. So if that is to be so, you might was well be clever and witty.    Yes, friends, it’s time to Make America Witty Again! And here is the evidence before the court to convince you (stolen outright from someone’s Facebook post). Enjoy!   1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;  Bring a friend, if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.    "Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.    2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."   · "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."    3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr   4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow   5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).    6. “That not writing—that’s typing.” - Trumann Capote (about Jack Keruoac)   7. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas   8. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain   9. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde    10. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop   11."He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright   12. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb