Small Defeats

Giving gifts to your spouse, siblings, in-laws, children, for Christmas, Hanukkah, birthdays, what have you, is one of those things that drops off your list when you cross 70 years old. Grandchildren, yes, but the rest is no longer an obligation. But still a pleasure when you happen to find something that suits. 

 

I scored big time this December when I got my wife a Burmese Cookbook. We dove in and now we both feel pretty confident, with Tea Leaf Salad, Fiery Tofu, Ginger Shrimp and a host of other appetizing dishes. The perfect gift!

 

I also stumbled into an intriguing book browsing in a bookstore (remember that?) titled Still Life at Eighty by Abigail Thomas. She is an author of other fiction and non-fiction I didn’t know at all, but her short ruminations on turning 80 seemed a timely theme for both my wife and I. (I rarely buy books for family members that I don’t hope to read when they’re done.). It is both a charming, honest and provocative book covering grief, loss, political outrage, gratitude and the indignity of buying Depends. One essay begins like this:

 

“What were you once certain of, my friend asks me, that you can no longer count on?…I don’t have an answer. I was never certain of anything. I was never certain things would work out for the best, or that everything happens for a reason, or that there was a guiding force in my life.…”

 

That struck me, because those three things are exactly what I’ve felt cautiously certain of my whole life. And mostly still do. 

But preparing for my 8 weeks away, I hit some obstacles yesterday. I made a Kinko’s copy of a draft of my new book to take with me, but neglected to reduce the font—and thus, the page numbers— and it feels just a bit too heavy to take with me. I noticed my right hearing aid wasn’t working and happened to be close to one of Kaiser’s locations where the Hearing Clinic is. But they were closed for the weekend. I had gone there the day before to get a Covid booster, but they didn’t give them there anymore and it was too late to get to the other campus. So walking back past Safeway, I decided to get my Covid shot there. The pharmacist asked for my info, noticed I was on the Kaiser health plan and said I’d have to pay for the shot. “No problem,” I said. “How much?”

 

“$200.”

 

WHAT?!!!! So I’m taking my chances. People in Europe, stay away from me if you don’t feel well. And then the Warriors lost after having been ahead most of the game. And to top it off, my dizziness is back.

 

So on the surface, these small defeats could call into question the supposition that everything works out for the best, happens for a reason and there are guardian angels watching over me. But I’m happy to give all three the benefit of the doubt.

 

Off to the airport in an hour. Wish me luck!