Change and Acceptance

 

“The portals of age lead to the profound understanding that people are going to do what people are going to do; They do not want my always-good ideas on how to have easier lives and possibly become slightly less annoying.  Now there is some acceptance (partly born of tiredness) that I can’t rescue or fix anyone, not even me. Sometimes this affords me a kind of plonky peace, fascination and even wonder at people and life as they tromp on by.”  — Anne Lamott

 

I’ve always enjoyed the humor, insights, heart and cautious optimism of Anne Lamott’s writing, so it was a pleasure to stumble across a guest editorial someone printed out and shared with me that includes the above. I think she honestly expresses the secret arrogance that many poets/ essayists/ fiction writers have—“Hey! If you listen to me, things are going to be much better for you.” Of course, they often disguise that “better” doesn’t mean “easier” and indeed, that’s why most people don’t listen. Because to truly follow any suggestion of improving one’s life worth its salt requires a depth of thought, reflection, courageous action that few of us are willing to undertake. 

 

Nevertheless, I persist in writing (these blogposts, articles, books, social media posts) and speaking (lectures, podcasts, workshop comments, dinner conversation), not wholly with the intent to change people’s minds and hearts and more to clarify what’s going on in mine. But secretly (and not so secretly), I DO hope people will listen and consider a new point of view that can bring some healing and hope and happiness. And to be honest, as Ms. Lamott is above, people are mostly going to keep on doing what they do, thinking what they think, feeling what they feel. 

 

At some point, I have to come to terms with that, be at peace with it, accept it and even enjoy the “plonky peace, fascination and wonder” of watching the whole show tromping by.  That day may come, but it will come much sooner when the people “doing what they do” are either stripped of their voting rights or have to earn them through demonstrating some basic knowledge and intelligence. Because at the moment, they’re not just tromping by but tromping on all that I hold sacred. That’s where the tension between “accepting what we cannot change” and “changing what we cannot accept” lies. If you know how to walk that tightrope without falling to your demise, well, let me know.