Ain't Misbehavin'

            “Behavior is the language of children.”

One of the most useful quotes I’ve come across in all my years as a teacher. If you understand that a child’s behavior is their way of trying to tell you what they don’t have words to explain, it changes everything about how you react to their behavior. For example, in my music classes, a kid fooling around and not attending to the activity may be “misbehavin’” for a variety of reasons:

• The activity is too challenging, so better to blow it off than fail.

• The activity is too simple and the kid is bored.

• You, the teacher, are talking way too much, and the kid is restless and anxious to do something.

• The chosen activity is not worthy of any effort— simply not interesting.

• The kid had a bad day— no breakfast, their pet died, their friend was mean, etc.

• The kid has some ongoing issues based on heavier things like abuse, abandonment, trauma, etc. 

Your job is to try to figure out which of the above— or other—dynamics are at play before knowing how to react accordingly. Their job is to keep searching for words or searching inside for feelings to try to understand themselves why they behave the way they do. Then the both of you discuss strategies to break the pattern and make progress.

And so in one of the classes that I’m helping teach, the group focus of 24 Middle School kids has left a lot to be desired. A lot of calling out, side-talking, not listening, not focusing, a general sense of not being with the program. My mentee and I tried every strategy in the book to more effectively engage them, including the important realization that the “them” is often two, three or four kids. It has been a long, hard road.

But today, we turned the corner with two effective strategies.

1) Half went with the other teacher to work on something, half were with me. Smaller group, easier to focus, better to play coherent music.

2) They reached the place where all their musical efforts, no matter who scattered they seemed, came together to produce something that actually sounded good. Once they got that vital feedback, their own motivation to play yet better came from within rather than our outward demand. It simply had its own timetable that we couldn’t rush, but were so happy to finally arrive. No need to speak sternly about paying attention— they were with us because they knew they needed our help to bring it into yet sharper focus.

So while all of the above makes clear what every teacher knows (or should know): that there is no one sure-fire strategy to get each and every kid paying attention the way we would like them to and the way they would most benefit from, behind all the attention-getting tricks, fun or strict, lies the basic fact of giving them something worthy to do, something that they can work to master and finally enjoy the fruits of their labors. I told them that they have been working hard in the garden and the raw vegetables are ready to pick and now is the time to cook them. It would be a shame to have done all that work and then put together a lousy meal, so let’s cook well and enjoy the flavors, get stronger from the nutrients, have fun breaking bread together.

And we did!