Palette Cleanser

After a few weighty protein-rich meditations on freedom, jazz, administration and such, it feels like it’s time for a palette cleanser. This from a Facebook post. Which is your favorite? (I like the Dijon-vu)

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD

 

·     Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

·     A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

·     Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

·     A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

 

·     Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

·      I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

·     Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

·     A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

 

·     Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

·     Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

·     Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

·     Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

 

·     A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

·     Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

·     A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

·     Without geometry, life is pointless.

 

·     When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

·     Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

·     A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

·     Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

 

·     When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

·     A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

·     What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

·     A backwards poet writes inverse.

·       

·     In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

·     A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

·     If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

 

·     With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

·     Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

·     When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

·     The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

 

·     A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

·     You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

·     Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

·     He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

 

·     Every calendar's days are numbered.

·     A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

·     A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

·     He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

 

·     The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

·     Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

·     Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

·     When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

 

·     Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

·     Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

·     Acupuncture is a jab well done.