Culture of Connection

 I gave my talk last night with this title, some with the help of slides and videos to drive points home. Here are some of the opening thoughts, with more to follow (or not).

Since this talk is based on what it takes to rear children who feel connection in their lives, it’s a good idea to define our terms. The root of “con-nect” is “con”— with— and necto—to bind. To connect is to bind together things that create suffering when apart and separate. Note that “bind” is closely related to “bond,” that essential non-negotiable experience all mammals require. A child who is properly bonded with the mother and nurtured by related adults in the family is a child ready to take on the adventure of life, the peaks and pitfalls alike. It’s safe to say that bonding is the foundation of all mental, emotional and physical health to come.

 

Here I hope to talk about the things that are in our power to control, particularly the work of schools. As much as we’d like to, it’s not up to us to guarantee that every child who eventually crosses into school is properly bonded. But if we understand the kind of connections all children (and adults) need and organize our thinking, our practice, our schedule, our decisions, around them, then we have the possibility of making a significant impact. 

 

Since my audience is you lovely and courageous and dedicated music teachers, I’ll mostly speak about how music and dance, properly taught (ie, with fun, love and imagination) can be one of the deepest and significant paths to a connected life. Having defined connection as the binding together of things that should not be separated, let’s look specifically at the various aspects of connection we might aspire to, both for our children and ourselves. Note that it might be difficult or even impossible to feel connected equally in all eight ways, but even one authentic point of connection can be enough to save a life from all the maladies that are running rampant in our culture— loneliness, isolation, powerlessness, marginalization— and the yet more extreme epidemics of depression, alcohol abuse, drug addiction, opoid dependence, violence, abuse, suicide and yet more. Here is a beginning list to consider:

 

 

 

Connecting… 

1) With one’s own physical body. In your body. Work, sports, exercise, with dance at the height of kinesthetic intelligence. 

 

2) With one’s own emotions. Capacity to feel nuanced feelings and to name feelings. Music is the language of emotion, able to affirm and express and celebrate what we feel.

 

3) With one’s own potential to shape one’s destiny, to engage in a discipline that requires consistent effort and reaps results. Again sports, but also music and dance.

 

4) With the full range of one’s multiple intelligences: Kinesthetic, musical, visual-spatial, mathematical, linguistic, intrapersonal, interpersonal

 

5) With people. Play, play and again play. Music and dance two of the strongest connecting points, as sounds and bodies blend to create something beautiful, powerful, harmonious and larger than our small selves. 

 

6) With ancestors. Singing the songs, playing the pieces, dancing the dances and feeling the presence of those who came before. 

 

7) With descendants,sustaining what is essential in culture and nature and creating something new for the future to enjoy.

 

8) With the unseen world, with magic, with mystery, with wonder. Religion without dogma. Indeed, root of religion comes from ligare, to bind and re-, to connect again having lost touch with our original Buddha Nature or been expelled from the Garden of Eden.

 

Here where I’m witnessing so much delight in the way we have come together to play, sing and dance, I imagine you all benefitting from at least some of these multiple connections coming alive for you, having lost so many in the workaday world we all have to face. And by so doing, renew your determination to help the children you teach feel welcomed, valued, seen, connected.