Geezer Rap

Between 39 and 51 years old when we first began to meet as a Men’s Group, we are now between 71 and 82. As you can imagine, a frequent topic when we check in is the trials and tribulations, the aches and pains, the “organ recitals” of aging. So today’s poem, written when I was a mere 53 (hence some of the dated references), is a rap about the subject, about trying to keep up with the young ‘uns. Note that the words in caps are to be spoken by those whippersnappers in the next generation down. Enjoy!

 

Young people look at us and say, "Yo, Dude, your race is run."

But we talk back and say, "Hey, Mack, we've only just begun!"

We listen to you rappers talking in some foreign tongue,

And think, "Hey, we can do that! Our rhymin' days ain't done."

 

We are the Gangsta Geezers, you young 'uns can't ignore us.

We're still hip, don't give us lip, don't join in on the chorus.

Just clear the pike, we've got the mike, (Can you do something for us?

Go over to the bookshelf and bring us the Thesaurus?)

 

You kids are good, but in our 'hood, we think that we are better.

We play it straight and never use those words that have four letters.

We wish we had a dollar, we wish we had a buck,

For every time we hear you all young rappers say  (beep!)

When we get really angry, when we get really mad.

We say "Balderdash," "Bosh," and sometimes "Egad!" 

 

We are the Gangsta Geezers, you young 'uns can't ignore us.

We're still hip, don't give us lip, don't join in on the chorus.

 

You think that we are washed up, you think that we are pests.

So why don't you just check us out, give us the hipness test.

 

SNOOP DOG, He's from Peanuts. MADONNA, She's a virgin.

EMINEM, That's a candy. DOCTOR DRE, why, he's a surgeon.

HBO, a medical plan. TECHNO. That's a watch.

SCRATCH is what we do when we are itchin' in our crotch.

 

"YOU GUYS ARE REALLY COOL, SO MUCH BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT.
COME HANG OUT IN OUR 'HOOD AND RAP WITH US—NOT!!!

 

We are the Gangsta Geezers, you young 'uns can't ignore us.

We're still hip, don't give us lip, don't join in on the chorus.

We don't grab our crotch and we don't shake our booty,

‘Cause we grew up with Captain Kangaroo and Howdy Doody.

We don't pierce our private parts, wear thongs up our asses,

(Hold on, this darn print's way too small, I've got to get my glasses.)

We don't jump in the mosh pit, we can do the fox trot.

We can do the cha-cha too. Can you? We think not!

 

We are the Gangsta Geezers, you young 'uns can't ignore us.

We're still hip, don't give us lip, don't join in on the chorus.

 

We don't get high on Ecstasy and we don't smoke that crack.

We just take some Percodan when we throw out our back.

And when we're feeling low, why, Prozac's just the stuff,

And we can use Viagra when we can't get high enough.

We're still in the running, yes, we've been on T.V.

Want to see the out-takes from our colonoscopy?

Our brain, it may be slowin' down, our habits may be set.

But we can still…Wait! What was that? (shrug) We forget!

 

Yeah, we're the Gangsta Geezers. We don't take no crap.

So clear the way, we've come to say, "It's time for Geezer Rap!"

We tell it like it was, yes, we're the Geezer Rappers

We write our poems while sitting for an hour on the crapper.

 

Yes, we are the geezers, we pick our nose with tweezers.

We're movin' kind of carefully so we don't get a seizure.

So come on, all you people, give it up for Geezer Rap.

In fact, you all can take the mike, we gotta take our nap.